I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
