Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
