Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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