How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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