Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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