Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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