they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
