Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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