i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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