Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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