listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
