I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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