Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
