sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize