So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
