i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
