first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Randomize
