my phone needs a breathalizer
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
