Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
