Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
