My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
