Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
