I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
