You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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