yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
