he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
