How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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