Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
