dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
