I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
