Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
