the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
