Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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