and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
