he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
