The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
