either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
