You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
