I only kidnapped one of them. chill
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
