I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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