What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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