lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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