Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
