I'm sorry my penis didn't work
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the day after is always just damage control
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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