he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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