I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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