Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
