her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
