I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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