Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
